Goodbyes

I have decided that goodbyes and I have a bit of a love-hate relationship. Let me explain: I have worked at a summer camp for the last three months and yesterday we finished up completely.  Now, the camp that I work at is in another province from where I live and thus I will rarely get to see the people I spent the last three months getting close to. Yesterday was therefore a bittersweet day. I had to say goodbye to some of my best friends while also saying goodbye to some people I don't think I will ever actually miss. I hated saying goodbye to my close friends. I always started crying, and most of the time it wasn't just a couple tears leaking out of my eyes, it was full out sobbing. I'm not usually a cryer so that's not normal for me. We all promise that we are going to stay in touch, but once each of us become immersed in our lives at home and at school it's so hard to stay connected to people far away. It's like once we leave camp all our common ground falls away leaving a couple lone strangers trying to reach each other but it's just a bit too far. Why does that happen? Is it just me? Am I dysfunctional when it comes to normal social relationships? How come some people can never see each other yet remain best of friends? What makes it so impossible for me to stay close to people that are not physically close to me?
Even though goodbyes suck it does help me come to realize who I was actually close to. Who do I actually miss and who actually misses me. Who do I try to stay in contact with and who actually tries to stay in contact with me. Those are the people that I am truly close to and who I truly care about. The hard part is that I want to stay close to those people and I hate the thought that we may fall away from each other. Why is friendship so difficult? Shouldn't real friendship be able to last through goodbyes, no matter how long those goodbyes last? I guess I'll have to wait and see as this year progresses.

First Time Blogger

Well, this is my first time blogging ever. Since I've never done this before I don't really know what I'm doing. The purpose of this blog is really to get out some of the thoughts that have been floating around in my head. A lot of the time I have thoughts and ideas in my head but I don't have anything to do with them. I'm hoping this blog will help me to work through these thoughts and help me to come to know myself better. I've found that I really don't know me very well. I really want to be my own person but I found that I am so very shaped by the people around me. I want to come to know what I really think about things, I want to know MY opinion on subjects instead of always agreeing with someone else's opinion. I want to be a unique person with my own individual thoughts and ideas. I've found that when you are younger you are expected to simply agree with your elders opinions but once you hit a certain age you are magically supposed to have your own opinions. I want to have my own opinions but I want them to be based on a solid foundation. Simply accepting something because someone said it doesn't sit well with me. I want to be educated in my thoughts, opinions, and actions. I want this blog to help me really think and to allow me to express those thoughts.  Hopefully, that is what will happen.